Finding My Serenity
by Alasia Moonstalker
Summary: A series of drabbles on the crew, life and situations from Serenity's point of view.
1. Mal

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_One: Mal_

**S**he believes that it was fate that brought Malcom Reynolds to her. SHe'd toured plenty before him, but she'd never before been _home_, and _family _before. Mal loved her with a fierceness that if she'd had breath it'd have been stolen away. And she loved him back.

She didn't know how long she'd been there in the yard before he found her. But she did remember waking when he stepped into the cargo hold for the first time. He'd stood in the middle of the hold for a long while with a smile on his face. Suddenly she wasn't alone anymore.

It took some time to get her flying again, but it was worth it. By the time Mal was finished he'd brought her a Zoe, and a Wash and a strange mechanic she didn't like at all, then he'd brough Kaylee. And they flew, she took them places and harbored them from the storm of the world. She gained an Inara, a Jayne, and eventually a Book, and a River and a Simon.

Mal was her heart.

She wasn't alone anymore. Mal had given her a purpose. And he gave her a name.

_Serenity._

_.. fin .._


	2. Zoe

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Two: Zoe_

**S**he liked Zoe. Where Mal was her soul-sib, Zoe was her friend. Zoe could sit in a space for a time and just be. Mal was always thinking, always causing trouble. Zoe was cool, collected, she knew what was needed, when it was needed and why. When Mal wouldn't hear her, Zoe would.

She liked that arrangement.

She especially liked playing matchmaker. Her pilot liked Zoe almost instantly. But She could tell that she had her work cut out for her when it came to Zoe. She liked watching the romance evolve into a love so deep nothing could tear the tall amazon away from her pilot.

Zoe was her peace.

She gave her a sureity that no matter what happened, so long as they flew true everything would work out.

_.. fin .._


	3. Wash

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Three: Wash_

**W**ash was her humor.

Her arm in the sky. Her oneness. He was her pilot. They held each other together with ease and comfort through rough landing and hurt feelings. With Wash at her controls she felt she could out-fly, out-manuver, out-class any vessel flying.

She liked that.

She liked that Wash could diffuse the tension within her walls with an easily spoken sentence. He was the glue that kept her family together. He kept them where she loved them to be. Home.

She sometimes wondered when Wash and Zoe would get around to having children. She thought it would be interesting to raise children. To be home to something so precious as that. She was on Zoe's side in this. If Zoe and Wash's children couldn't be safe here with her to look after them, there wasn't anywhere in the 'verse safe enough.

Sometimes she pouted. But she had patience, she would wait.

_.. fin .._


	4. Kaylee

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Four: Kaylee_

**K**aylee was her light.

Kaylee heard her best of all. She knew when she was hurting, knew when something might go wrong. Kaylee knew how to keep her going, even if a part broke. She liked spending time with Kaylee. Out of all her crew, Kaylee heard her best. Mal knew her heart, Zoe her mind, Wash her freedom, Kaylee heard her.

It wasn't really speaking. It was more like a transfer of feeling. Her engine room was her core, and her most cheerful room. Kayle kept them going. Kept them flying. Kept them a home to have. Even if Mal did think that space monkey's lived in her engine room.

She though _that _was funny.

She'd never carried monkies. And she didn't plan on ever doing so.

_.. fin .._


	5. Inara

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Five: Inara_

**I**nara was her conscious.

Not that she didn't think she could do just fine on her own, though. She couldn't decide if she truly liked Inara. Sure, she was crew, and she loved the companion, but did she like her? Peace loved her to bits though. That shuttle had never felt so glamourus in it's entire lifetime. Grace was jealous, even if she did get to go to more interesting places with the crew.

Serenity just wanted her shuttles to shut up about it.

Inara had an inner calm that felt like a soothing balm against her hull. She was the voice of reason. She made sure Mal knew exactly what he was getting into when he got into it. She held no pity for him when he got shot and she respected the others.

Serenity could live with a little less crime.

Even if it was exciting.

_.. fin .._


	6. Jayne

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Six: Jayne_

**J**ayne was her arm.

The mercenary was the arm of Serenity. Used to protect her crew and bring them all home again. She'd liked him instantly. Mal had to, but he wouldnever admit it. She on the other hand, would throw a fit if Jayne ever left. She found him refreshing.

Jayne was honest. It wasn't a never-do-anything-wrong honesty, but a true-to-oneself honesty. He had no trouble with who he was or how he acted. He liked his life, the way he was and if the others found him crude, he was alright with that too.

It was refreshing.

Sometimes she'd sit with him as he cleaned his guns. She liked the fact that he was so meticulous about it. It meant he'd be able to protect her crew.

Jayne was her arm.

_.. fin .._


	7. Book

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Seven: Book_

**B**ook was her caretaker.

He held them when they needed it, guided them when they lost their way. He helped their souls when they hurt. She liked him. He believed the same thing she did. How you get there is the worthier part.

Mal didn't like the thought of God on his boat. But she thought the idea of a divine prescence giving her her family was neat. She liked to believe that someone watched over her crew when she couldn't. It made her feel better when they left her.

Book prayed a lot. Prayed for the crew, for the jobs. He didn't like the crime, but he understood.

Sometimes she prayed with him. For him. He needed a little looking after too.

_.. fin .._


	8. Simon

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Eight: Simon_

**S**imon was her health.

Before Simon came she always worried when her crew got hurt. But knowing they had someone to patch them up made her feel better. If book looked after their souls and patched up their emotional hurts, them Simon looked after their boides, kept them live and kicking.

He was also a bit of an evil mastermind.

She thought it was hilarious.

Though she'd like to give him a swift kick in the pants the way he fumbled around Kaylee. Hopefully he'd get a clue soon. Kaylee seemed to be running out of patience.

Maybe she needed to hit him over the head with something. Knock some sense into him.

For all his fumblings, Simon was learning.

And she was happy he'd started calling her home.

_.. fin .._


	9. River

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Nine: River_

**R**iver was her grace.

Her friend, her confidant. She could talk to River. River knew just what she was thinking when she was thinking it. She took it upon herself to help block the others out when needed by sonversing with her.

She liked their conversations.

They would talk about anything and everything under the sky. She had learned more from River than she had from anyone else. And she believed that River was learning from her too.

She thought it was funny when River called Mal 'Captain Daddy'. Mostly because of the half-pleased, half-frustrated look he got on his face.

River was her grace.

_.. fin .._


	10. Alliance

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Ten: Alliance_

**S**erenity doesn't like the Alliance.

The Alliance is always causing problems for her crew. Mal especially. She doesn't like what they represent and she doesn't like the big cruisers either. They're arrogant, prideful. They think she's less than dirt. She likes to curse at them in code from afar as she slips through their nets.

On Unification Day they are always planet side, and Mal always goes to a bar. Zoe goes with him because she's just as much a Browncoat as Mal. Jayne goes too, just for the beer and the brawling.

Sometimes things get out of hand on U-Day and they have to make a swift getaway. Once she and Wash threatened to blow a new crater in the moon they were on. Jayne thought it was funny. So did she.

She was a transport. She didn't have guns.

_.. fin .._


	11. Reavers

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Eleven: Reavers_

**A**s much as she dislikes the Alliance, she hates Reavers more.

Reavers are scavengers, eaters of the living and the dead. Horror stories come to life in the meanest sense.

She has nightmares about Reavers. Reavers latching onto her hole and tearing holes in her. Taking away her family and using her for their own ends. Sometimes she wakes screaming into the black, praying that it never happens.

When they come across a Reaver ship her crew holds it's breath as they slide by and so does she.

When Reavers give chase she shows them her tail.

And sometimes she gets to pull a Crazy Ivan.

_.. fin .._


	12. Train Job

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Twelve: Train Job_

**M**al likes train jobs. He thinks they're fun.

Serenity doesn't agree. She thinks trains are loud and annoying. She believes that anything that puts her crew in that much danger within her view is a Very Bad Thing.

So when Jayne jumps out of her hold onto a fast moving train she and Wash concentrate very hard to keep steady. And then things go wrong and Jayne gets shot.

She thinks it's funny when Simon dopes him. He gets a little funny on the bridge (she likes to call it that, makes her feel a little fancy) and falls over.

Later, when Niska's men try and kill Mal, she's only too happy to oblige and incinerate Crow with her engines.

_.. fin .._


	13. Bushwacked

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Thirteen: Bushwacked_

**S**he spends a lot of time ranting and raving in a fit when they dock with the direlect. She's got a booby trap attached to her now and if she moves an inch she'll explode. She doesn't want to explode, it would take the fun out of life.

She tries to talk to River, tell her what's wrong, but the girl can't hear her. She's only one of many voices now, not one of a few.

When Mal brings the survivor into her infirmary she wants to smack him for it.

When the Alliance ransacks her she feels violated and unclean.

Then that Reaver sneaks back aboard and just when she feels like she's going to have a mental break Mal comes back and kills it.

She locks him in his bunk for two days for his trouble.

_.. fin .._


	14. Badger

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Fourteen: Badger_

**S**erenity doesn't really like Badger.

She can appreciate the fact that the work he throws their way keeps her flying, but that doesn't mean she has to like him.

So when he shows up with a bunch of his gun-toting henchmen she gets River to give him a swift kick in the persqueeter.

It doesn't really work.

Badger decides he likes River.

Serenity spends the rest of the night pouting.

She stops the second the cows come aboard.

_.. fin .._


	15. Cows

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Fifteen: Cows_

**S**he does not like cows.

They smell. They can't clean up after themselves. They smell. She would much prefer Beagles.

She wonders what Mal was thinking when he agreed to transport cattle of all things. Then she ponders on locking him in his bunk again. She forgives him a little when the cows leave.

Then things go to hell.

Book's been shot and she's docking with an Alliance Crusier who's pouting and ranting about not wanting her filth anywhere near it. But Book is hurt, and they have permission to dock. She leaves behind a virus as a farewell.

When they go back for Simon and River and Jayne dangles out of the hold with with his big damn gun she decides she likes being a Big Damn Hero.

_.. fin .._


	16. Saffron

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Sixteen: Saffron_

**S**towaways always cause trouble.

This is one of the guaruntees of the 'verse. So when she suddenly has an extra person aboard she can only heave a sigh and hope for the best. Of course, it doesn't work out that way.

Because all of a sudden, her Captain has a wife.

If she had hands she'd smack him one upside the head.

As it was all she could do was sit back and laugh as the situation got more and more uncomfortable for Mal. She especially liked Book's 'Special Hell' speech. And Jayne trying to trade Vera for Saffron was a classic. It was all good fun until Wash got kicked in the head. Then it all went to hell.

She is willing to admit that she had a panic attack as she floated out of control straight at the net. She had no desire to die, especially _that _particular way.

She felt that Jayne deserved a hug for the shots he managed with Vera as they approached.

_.. fin .._


	17. Mud

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Seventeen: Mud_

**J**ayne was acting strange. Even for him.

Not that she could really say much. So was she. The smell of Canton clogged her sensors and made her feel a mite dizzy. It did not, however, disrupt her good humor, as everyone on board was in a good mood.

Everyone but Jayne.

She felt cheated that she never got to see the statue of Jayne. The way Wash came back going on and on about it made it seem like a sight to see. And then Mal started humming 'The Hero of Canton' under his breath, and when no one else was around he sang her the words.

She hadn't laughed that hard in a very long time.

Of course, getting landlocked put her off her humor a bit.

_.. fin .._


	18. Out of Gas

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Eighteen: Out of Gas_

**S**erenity never meant for things to go so wrong.

It had started as a small pain as the part in her engine had shifted just the tiniest bit. She had tried to tell Kaylee, but something bigger than that had come up.

Then she'd exploded.

Suddenly she was on fire and all she could do was painic. It was a good thing Mal was her Captain. In the end he vented to atomo in the aft deck by opening the bay doors a little, which took care of the fire. But Zoe was still hurt, and she was still dead in the water.

Peace and Grace hadn't wanted to leave. The shuttles had never been significantly damaged, and in their tour neither had she. But long before now, she'd been retrofitted to haul weaponry during the war for the Independents and hadn't had shuttles. That was how she'd gotten to that junkyard in the first place.

It went without saying that Mal was staying with her.

_.. fin .._


	19. Ariel

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing Firefly/Serenity. It all comes from the brilliant mind of Joss Whedon.

**Finding My Serenity**  
_Nineteen: Ariel_

**S**he didn't like the core. It seemed more cold and impersonal to her.

Everyone was eith really polite or really pissed off.

Her usual levity and humor went down with all the other ships like a rock in water. She met the hostility with her usual candor (meaning she gave any ship that insulted her a virus that played with their navigation).

She got to help fix up the ambulance. Or she liked the think she did. Kaylee and Wash had a lot of fun with it.

Having her heart threaten her arm like that was disconcerting.

She didn't want to throw Jayne out the airlock.

On the bright side, the money that medicine would bring would keep her flying.

_.. fin .._


End file.
